Last weekend Carolyn and I went to a marriage conference here in Austin. We didn't go because our marriage was in shambles-- as most people seem to incorrectly assume that's why you go to one-- but because we wanted to build and strengthen it.

At one point during the conference, the speaker was discussing conflict and arguments between husbands and wives. He used an illustration that has stuck with me all week. The speaker invited a couple on stage. There they held and stretched out a 20 foot rope. The speaker said that the inaccurate assumption of marriage is that the rope is smooth, that you never have arguments and that's what makes your marriage strong. The truth is that at some point you will have conflict-- with that he cut the rope in two. While there is a temporary separation, reconciliation brings things back together-- and he tied the rope together.

Many years of marriage will bring several conflicts because you are bringing two people with differing backgrounds, differing convictions and differing understandings together. So the rope is cut multiple times, but each time both parties work together to attain reconciliation-- and so the rope is tied back together.

At the end of illustration, symbolizing many years and conflicts and resolutions, the rope was remarkably shorter and the couple stood much closer than they were at the beginning.

Ironically, we watched a movie on Sunday that showed two couples. One couple argued while the other couple always stared dew-eyed at each other. The arguing couple broke up at the end while the other stayed together. Hollywood does a disservice to marriages by saying that couples who fight aren't meant for each other and are not as close as couples who never argue. Everyone has conflicts, the difference becomes who fights fair and who also works at reconciliation. I can tell you from first-hand experience that it's a learning process.